Don’t Look Back

“But Lot’s wife, behind him, looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.” Genesis 19:26 (ESV)

Over the past few months, I’ve had some people share with me how much of a mean person I was, and how they’ve seen a transformation in me. They shared how they knew it was the work of the Lord in my life. I couldn’t deny it, because the Lord had shown me some character flaws in my life. He revealed to me how I had become someone who wasn’t a reflection of His image or His character. I was honest with them and shared a little about how the Lord has been refining me in different areas of my life. I shared how I was such a toxic Christian, one who gossiped, was self-righteous, full of pride, and thought of myself more highly than I should, and was bold and sometimes subtle with it. I was disrespectful to authority when I should have been honoring them.

I remember a particular time, a few years back, I booked a trip to attend a conference without asking my Boss if the dates were okay. I remember sitting in his office and the tears draining down my face when he told me I didn’t have permission to attend. He mentioned that I should have consulted with him before I bought the ticket. I knew better, but I just did what I wanted to do, and I ate some humble pie and had to apologize. I also remember another time that I had to send a text because I was convicted of a particular way I had behaved and had to apologize. I was mean, and I did what I wanted to do. Sometimes, if we’re not careful, and if we’re not honest with God and others about where we are, when there is no accountability in our lives, we become image bearers of those around us who don’t reflect Christ nor His character. We won’t forgive, we won’t apologize, we won’t admit that we’re wrong, we would become beautifully dressed peacocks that would attack anyone who comes into our personal space uninvited.

While over the past months, I’ve had people honestly share with me how mean I was, and how they have also seen a change in me, I’ve also had people share how they want me to become their accountability partner. Me?? What?? I was shocked because when I look at myself, I see so much work the Lord needs to do. I fall short daily, with my thoughts and actions, and I see that it’s me, desperately in need of prayer and His grace. Yet, my heavenly Father sees something in me that He can use. While He is cleansing me, He is also shaping me into His daughter.. His end goal is for me to look and love like Him. I don’t want to think about who I would be without Him; His love and His compassion are more than I could ever deserve. His grace and His favor in my life are more than I can understand.

When we are honest with the Lord with our walk and our struggles, when we let Him know just how much more grace we need for the journey, He supplies it. And we know that His grace is sufficient. It’s more than enough for what we need. God’s sufficiency is much more than man’s sufficiency. I want to be more loving, more kind like my heavenly Father, and sometimes it’s harder than most days, but I can’t go back to who I used to be. I won’t go back even if it costs me everything. I know what it means to walk away from what looks like everything to some, but nothing to what I gained, Jesus. I walked away from a beautiful house and furniture, leaving my little kids behind and just trusting that one day the Lord would restore. I know what it is to pack my clothes in big black garbage bags, leaving behind physical and verbal abuse, but knowing that one day the Lord would restore. Don’t look back like Lot’s wife did. It will be hard not to, but don’t look back and don’t go back to toxic relationships that will hinder your walk with God, causing you not to look like Him. Don’t look back to relationships that He has delivered you from when your heart and soul were deep in idolatry, when He has said in His word that we should have no other god before Him. Don’t look back at that abusive relationship, no matter how much you think you love that man. Don’t go back to those toxic behaviors that reflect the fruit of the Spirit in your life. Don’t Go Back! Don’t listen to the voices that will tell you to go back when you know the Lord has said ‘Don’t go back!’

I thank God for those who prayed for me to turn my heart back to God when they saw that there was so much more to me than I could ever imagine. I thank God for His consuming fire that is burning away the Sodom and Gomorrah ways in me that I didn’t even know existed! Lord, I thank You! Daughters of Fire, the refining isn’t easy, but I promise you that if you want to look like Jesus, it’s worth it. The shaping and the molding aren’t easy, but if you want to bear His image, it’s worth it. I know that my God is a Consuming Fire, and no fire that the enemy can come with can ever compare. The fiery darts are no comparison to the fire of God. The Lord has kept me, and He will continue to keep me in perfect peace, as long as I long as I keep my mind on Him and I trust in Him. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who is the Author and the Finisher of your faith. Don’t look back, because there is nothing more rewarding than pressing on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus! Daughters of Fire, don’t look back! I am praying for you, especially you who know better but don’t want to be better or do better because for some reason you feel stuck or indebted. I’ve been there, but I want you to believe that Jesus has paid it all, and while we are called to honor people, we are not called to worship them and compromise our walk with God. Daughters of Fire, don’t look back, I am praying for you, and I love you, but Jesus loves you best! Don’t look back!